1290. A boy and girl had been going out for some time ad the girl kept
on bugging the boy to come home with her. So one night he
decides to go to her house. Upon entering the house her father
is siting on the couch catching peanuts in his mouth. As he
turns his head to see who it is one becomes lodged in his ear.
The mother screams for a doctor but the boy tells them that he
can get it out of his ear. The boy instructs him to hold his
breath and blow out when he sticks his fingers up his nose. The
father does this and the peanut pops out. The mother says
"father this boy should be a doctor" the father replies "I don't
know about being a doctor but from the smell of his fingers he
should be our son in law"!
3061. Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're
all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're
each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them.
The first guy asks for a big stack of books. The second guy
asks for his wife. And the third guy asks for two hundred
cartons of cigarettes.
At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's
cell. He comes out and says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright
now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific."
They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife,
and they've got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest
thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have
a beautiful new family. I love it."
They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his
pockets, going "Anybody got a match?"
2935. "It is better for civilization to be going down the drain
than to be coming up it."
- Henry Allen