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1823. He was a wise man who invented beer. -Plato

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3234. A lady with a prize-winning schnauzer figured that he was going
deaf.  He wouldn't come when she called. When she took him out
for a walk he wouldn't heel like he had been taught to do. As a
matter of fact, when the dog wasn't looking and she called him,
he acted like he didn't hear her at all.  So she took him to the
The vet looked the dog over and gave him a complete physical. He
told the lady, "There's nothing wrong with your dog at all. Look
here. He has excessive hair growing in his ears, which led you
to believe that he is deaf.  He can't hear you, but he isn't
deaf. You can treat this with a depilatory. I haven't got any in
stock, but you can get some 'Neet' or 'Nair' at your local
pharmacy. This will work just as well as the doggy brand will."
So the lady went to the nearest store and picked up a small
bottle of Nair and looked over the instructions. There was
nothing on the carton that related to her dog so she took it to
the druggist and asked his advice. "How do I apply this
product", she asked. "Do I put it on right out of the bottle or
do I dilute it or what?"
The druggist said, "For your legs, put it on straight. Right out
of the bottle. For your underarms, I recommend that you dilute
it 50-50 with water."
She said, "I don't think that you understand. It's for my
"Oh," said the druggist. "In that case, I suggest that you
dilute it 3 to 1 with water. And by the way, I wouldn't ride a
bicycle for a few days."

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141. Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a
dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging
through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled
across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would
appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement
of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular
genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one
wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted
out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped
his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping
of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered
their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been
granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the

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