375. Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're
all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're
each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them. The
first guy asks for a big stack of books. The second guy asks for
his wife. And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of
At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's
cell. He comes out and says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright
now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific."
They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife,
and they've got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest
thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have
a beautiful new family. I love it."
They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his
pockets, going "Anybody got a match?"
116. We seem to have a compulsion these days to bury time
capsules in order to give those people living in the next
century or so some idea of what we are like. I have prepared
one of my own. I have placed some rather large samples of
dynamite, gunpowder, and nitroglycerin. My time capsule is
set to go off in the year 3000. It will show them what we
are really like.
2142. "I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns
on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
- Groucho Marx